As the hardened soil begins to warm, cracks appear and new life is formed. Even the harshest winter can’t stop the rebirth of the dormant seed waiting for her turn in the world. She dreams about seeing the light of day.
Imagining the wonders of above. Courageously, she fights through surpassing the rest. What a sight to behold! Bathing in the cool rain and warm soaks from the sun. Alone by herself, she grows. Her roots are strong enough to take hold in concrete. She grows. Shy and afraid at first, but then she unfolds her crown of delicate petals and holds her head high to the sky. “I am ready!” she exclaims with pride.
And I think to myself Where is the wonder in the world? Can we have a moment of silence for those we lost in the battlefields of deferred dreams. Kings and Queens dethroned and brainwashed. Profound amnesia. Breaking news! They have learned to manufacture hybrid marionettes with real skin. See them swaying in the wind. Unable to think. Unable too move. Unable to love without the invisible puppeteers approval. Prisoners to a system that banished creativity, and individualism. A plague that devoured traditions, cultures and civilizations. Popcorn! Fresh popcorn! Monday through Sunday free matinee. Watch them idolize the minstrel shows. Watch them glorify the hate. Profound amnesia. What a sad state of affairs. Isn’t it depressing? Everyday, to walk amongst the living dead. Ones that have lost the spirit to live. Ones that have lost the spirit to love. Mental oppression, leads to servitude. Servitude leads to loss of identity. With no identity, how do you teach your youth who they are? Invisible man, damn. Damn, invisible man! No reflection in the mirror and you aren’t even scared? It hurts to hear the truth. It bludgeons your ear drums until blood drips the sides of your face. Even as the blood stains your dress or your freshly ironed shirt, you continue to get dressed in the mirror for church. Not the reflection you expected? Of course not. Tunneled vision is humanities crutch. I Mine Me Not ours Not us Not we Queen me. King me. Everything else is just a pawn. The last of humanity. Every sunset draws them closer to extinction. So they hide from the world. They hide because they fear rejection. They hide because they don’t want people to know their secrets. They hide because it’s safer to exist in the shadows. They gather in the moonlight and dance amongst the fire pits barefoot. They are old. They are young. They are children. They are the ones without a voice. They are the ones with the story that no-one wants to hear. They are me. I am you. So, I will stay true and continue to be the voice for people like us. I will remind them all about the wonder in the world.
Turning 10 was a big event for me. I was going to officially be a double digit. As it got closer to my birthday I began to search the house trying to find the hiding spot for my presents. I checked the refrigerator and freezer waiting for my cake to appear. I promised myself I would just look at it and not touch it. I imagined it saying ,”Happy Birthday Madi, love mommy”. My sisters birthday was in June and she had a beautiful cake! I didn’t even mention my pending birthday because I wanted to contain my excitement. My mother didn’t mention it either. I just knew she was waiting to surprise me. On the day of my birthday, I couldn’t wait for her to come home from work. I strategically waited until she got herself settled. She called me downstairs. I walked down slowly trying to hide my big smile. I imagined the cake with candles and her smiling while she held that cake out for me.
I walked into the kitchen, nothing was there. I thought to myself, ” She is just going to surprise me after dinner.” I checked the freezer and fridge- nothing was there. I looked at her, tears swelling up in my eyes. She snarled,” What’s wrong with you?” I replied,” Nothing, it’s just my birthday.” I smiled meekly, waiting for her to soothe the fear that was swelling in my gut. Her response, “ Oh, it’s your birthday, I will get you something when I get paid next Friday.” I smiled again and said ” Good evening, okay.” I went to my room and silently cried all night. I felt so small and insignificant. Then I told myself well, at least she said next Friday. I put a bandaid on my broken heart. Friday came no cake. Maybe next Friday? Next Friday- no cake. I must have continued that for an entire month after my birthday. Then I finally realized that that cake was not ever coming. I told myself- I’m nothing. I’m not special. My sorrow was hidden. I made a promise at a young age to always make others happy and smile because it helped soothe my internal pain. So, if you wonder why I am not particularly happy around my birthday- you now know the root cause. I continue to mourn in silence.